Big Decisions, Little Decisions

I had a case of the Monday's today filled with lots of what I would call Absent-Minded Megan Moments. They filled my childhood and have continued with me as I have grown up. Luckily they have become less and less over the years, but they still happen and I found today as frustrating and inconvenient they are and as irresponsible they make me feel, I need to embrace these moments because, maybe somewhat unfortunately, they are part of who I am. After about the 5th moment today I texted my mom and said, "It has been quite an absented-minded Megan Monday." She responded. "That is what make you so special! But I know frustrating." It is true though, I have learned to just know that even when I have these days where I am a total clutz at times or am running around everywhere wasting time because I have leaving stuff everywhere, forgetting things, that life still goes on. The next day will be better and I am not going to fail at life just because I did the wrong homework. Yeah, it sucks, and makes you feel like your whole world is falling apart and you have lost some sort of control of your life, but you know sometimes we all trip (maybe even literally). So my Monday started last night, when after the superbowl, I got an email asking about Italian homework that was due today. Homework that I thought was due the 7th (whoops that is tomorrow!, problem when you lose track of what day of the month it is), so I had to do that. Went to my sister's apartment where I sleep because my roommate wakes up too early for ROTC, but I left my keycard in my car, so i walked there and walked back. Next got to the apartment and realized I had the wrong book to do the homework, went back to my room, back to the apartment, forgot the actual key to the apartment in my car. Back and forth again. This morning in a rush so I could have time to print off my homework, I had to change my outfit 3 times because of different things I had today that I had to dress for then dropped a whole funfetti cake on myself and the floor. Mess to clean up. Could not get my loaner computer to print so had to resolve that problem and ended up late for class. Found out I did not do the right homework. Needed coffee, went to starbucks and spilled my whole nalgene bottle in line, so ran out of time to get coffee. Later made my own coffee and my suitemate spilled it all over my desk. Just one of those days. But I called my best friend from home and told her I was having one of my days and she was very excited saying, "Oh please tell me, I have not heard one of your moments in a while." Maybe just knowing that other people can get a laugh out of my day makes it alright.

(It was also great that I could hashtag my tweet with #Mondays and read about other people's days. I am not alone.)

Along with embracing this character of life, it kind of got me feeling down in another way. It made me realize this constant struggle I have to pop the bubble that I live in here at Wake. I feel this constant pressure on my shoulders. It is not even the academics though. I feel like this school holds me back from everything I could be, like people are not creative and inspirational enough. I do not mean there are not people to look up to here and who do amazing things cause honestly some people do so much here that it makes me overwhelmed to just think about what they are doing. What I mean is that so few people are reaching outside the box, they are like freaking machines. Then when they do get a break, they get wasted or something. I mean obviously not everyone, but everything around me just seems so routine. Like I think I counted 4 times in my sorority's chapter today that I thought why I am in a sorority. Like there are aspects I like and being at Wake you have to be in one pretty much to get involved and to meet people, but like what do I care about half of the stuff. I like that you can have leadership positions and plan stuff, but some of it just seems a waste. I feel like I want to be really involved in the sorority sometimes but then I step back and think of everything else I could be doing that is more worth-while instead. I feel like so many things at Wake just hold me back. I love having more of a social life in college than I had in high school, but I felt like I did so many more meaningful things in high school and so much more that I was proud of. I mean now I am getting school work done and everything obviously and that in itself is an accomplishment, but there are so many other components that shaped me before I came to college that I don't do anymore simply because I feel like I am in this bubble. I dunno?? It is very frustrating because I do not really like to think about transferring at all because there are so many great friends I have here too and I don't want to leave them. I just feel like other schools would have opportunities that would pertain to me more, I just do not really know where at this point. Maybe going abroad next semester will be really good for me.

Jealousy for the week:

People that are actually productive on the weekend with stuff besides being social and doing homework. I want to volunteer too or work somewhere or better get actually get my new website up and running.

Solution:

Make more of an effort to set aside time to do one or more of these things next weekend even if it means not going out like I am expected to.